Made it to Hawaii

We made it here! Craig flew in on June 24th and I followed on July 4th. Unfortunately, Mozart and Jade won't be able to make the flight until it is cooler outside. I miss my fur-babies so very much. I know they are happy with Grammy and Pops but I need them here with me. My anxiety has been quite exhausting—ever since I moved out of our house in Norfolk I haven't been able to turn off my brain. 😦 UGH! Nothing is wrong except not having Mozart and Jade and………..I can't find a job. 😦 I need a job. Not so much for the money, but for my sanity. Some days I seriously think I'm the most worthless person in the world. Vacuum, clothes, resumes, interviews, check mail………………….I guess I never really thought NOT having a job would affect me this way. Its miserable being a stay at home wife. Especially when the wife generally brings home about as much money as the husband. 😦 I know what your thinking……enjoy your time there, relax-go lay on the beach and read a good book. Unfortunately for me, I don't know how to relax. I don't even know how to sit still for 5 minutes! Let the complaining cease here and lets end on a positive note today…
We have been exploring the island together. So far we have been to Hanauma Bay snorkeling and have seen some very awesome fish….TWICE!

HANUAMA BAY HAWAII_07122013 018
HANUAMA BAY HAWAII_07122013 044
???????????????
Camera 14MP-9PC

Extremely fun–our second time here was today. (Camera battery was DOA-Dang it!)HUGE fish today!!! We have kayaked at Hickam Harbor Beach and we did stand-up paddle boarding for the first time ever! Exciting and we got to see sea turtles. Our first time trying to stand up was a ultimate fail but a great try. We got it on the second try. 🙂

Camera 14MP-9PCCamera 14MP-9PC

Camera 14MP-9PCCamera 14MP-9PC

We have also been to the Dixie Grill (insert pic here) Kua’Aina Burgers on the North Shore with Sue and Luke Hardin (insert picture here) and Islands fine Burgers and fries (Insert pic here)! Yep, that’s right—we haven’t been anywhere except burger places as of yet but so far my favorite goes to Kua’Aina Burgers–YUMMY! Also, we have tried out the famous CoCoPuffs from the Liliha Bakery (insert picture here)–Good, but I prefer the chocolate CoCo Puff over the Chantilly (original). 🙂 Also, I went to church here for the first time last week and really enjoyed the service. I took a lot home to think and pray about. Everyone was welcoming and very friendly. I am hoping that this is the church for us.

Okay, that’s all I can think of today–or at least for now. I’ll try to start writing more and documenting our adventures. 🙂

20130810-215753.jpg

20130810-215826.jpg

20130810-220356.jpg

20130810-220441.jpg

20130816-213924.jpg

20130816-213948.jpg

20130816-214011.jpg

20130816-214039.jpg

Busy today.

Getting ready for the inspection! Still not completely finished getting rid of everything we don’t need/use anymore but I’m one day closer. I went out and bought a filing cabinet today-for Craig’s navy crap. There are papers EVERYWHERE! So, I spent most of the night organizing them. He went to Hooters and the beach today, I’m sure he had a good time. 😉 glad to see he isn’t sitting in his room although sometimes it’s hard for me to hear he is doing so well without me–then I think about what if he wasn’t doing well–what would I think then? I would probably just be really upset that there was nothing I could do. 😦 I would just feel worse I suppose. I hope Hawaii is all it’s cracked up to be. I’m excited about the opportunity and hope Craig and I will embrace it together and enjoy our time there. I really miss him. The number one thing on my mind: time. Ready for it to hurry up and go on by so I can be in his arms again. Love you sailor.

Love,
Pamela

And so it has begun…

It’s difficult being away from the man you love. He has only been gone a few days now and already, I’m not sleeping. I think his arm over me while I close my eyes is the best feeling in the world. Perhaps the reason I sleep at night. I try so hard to be so active that when bedtime comes around I am still wide open. We are in the process of moving, I have inspectors coming Wednesday to survey the house and a pre-move out inspection that same day. The good news is that both are on Wednesday and the next thing to happen for our move will be them coming to pack Our stuff! Haha! Everything is starting to come together. Just a little while longer now I keep telling myself. Really, in all honesty–I’m excited to go to Hawaii but I’m even more excited to be with the man of my dreams. Home is just not home without him. I have this instant burst of loneliness-it’s too quiet. The things I get upset about when he is here–I miss them. I miss the watching movies on the couch and falling asleep because I didn’t want to watch it to begin with. The endless tickles. The airplane kisses. Ahh…just everything. We will miss each others birthdays again this year. 😦 maybe next year! I’m very proud of him!! 🙂 He’s my sailor, my hero, the love of my life and my best friend. We will be together soon.

Love,

Pamela

Right around the corner…

Craig left yesterday to go to Florida for his school. I am here packing up the house and throwing things away. Time to get ready. We move out of base housing in three weeks! Wow-has time snuck up on me or what?!?! It’s going by so quickly. Hope the next 10 weeks fly for sure and that Craig does excellent in his classes. He starts school tomorrow and is getting ready today. I’m so excited for him and very proud of my sailor, husband and most of all love of my life. I will stand by him in this life forever as he is my one true love. This is military life, sometimes things get us down and hit us harder than civilians but we can do this. We can and will remain strong as long as we are together in our hearts. I’m going to post some pictures to show you the progress of yesterday. Documentary of our first overseas move. Good day!

Pamela

20130428-105412.jpg

20130428-105422.jpg

20130428-105432.jpg

20130428-105439.jpg

Follicle scan today

Well, went in for my ultrasound today. Craig ended up not coming–somehow I figured that was going to happen. He decided he was freaked out about it. Anyway, today is CD13 and we have two “bigger” follicles, The left side is dominant this time and so far the largest one is 11mm and the other is about 9-10mm. Not very big I would say but I do have to remember that we did take the  clomid at a later date this time. (Not sure that was the best idea). I think I should be scanned again but the midwife seems to believe that we should be okay if we do the IUI on Saturday, even though she says the best day would be Sunday. However, they don’t work on Sundays. According to what I have read, follicles only grow approximately 2mm per day so that doesn’t really give us a whole lot of time for them to get bigger. (Thinking we should do it on Monday, but we may miss this cycle all together if we wait.) I am by far disappointed but hope that we have a happy end result anyway. Now, on to the good news–Craig had 73 million for his count this time and a morphology of almost 80%! Wow! Very excited about this fact. Wish us the best. I have so many questions running through my mind right now that I feel like I’m going to go crazy,

 

Love and baby dust,

 

Pamela. 

Happy New Year

Happy New Year,

This year is going to be awesome! We have so many things coming up this year. We are starting fertility treatments, I see the doctor tomorrow and Craig is on standby to hear what my ultrasound showed them from last week. Hopefully everything is good as the tech said and we can start our treatment process. I am excited about this journey together, although I hope it is not a long process and maybe it will happen on the first try. That would be really nice. We are supposed to do IUI and Clomid when he returns home. This year we are also moving to Hawaii and that is going to take up a lot of time but I see it being very peaceful and great for us. So many things for us to do. I imagine hiking and scuba diving with the love of my life. Maybe we will even go sky diving or take hops from island to island. 🙂 Ehk! I’m so excited for a new adventures. Hopefully he won’t deploy too much and we can enjoy the sun and sand together, maybe with our miracle baby. It’s gonna be a GREAT NEW YEAR!

Today I went to work for a little while, not for very long as there is not really much that I can do. Still having some anxiety but I’m hoping it will go away soon. I just miss him. He isn’t having a very good day today. He is missing home and missing me. Just as much as I am missing him. I love him so much. It breaks my heart to see him so down. Ahhh….my sweet love. On a good note, I did my Insanity today. I’m sore from tonight but–as they say, no pain-no gain. I believe this to be a true statement. I am unsure if I will complete the actual program in 60 days. I’m thinking that I need a lot more strength before I step into week three. Also, still did not do good with my food today. I need to get to the grocery store and make a meal plan for myself and maybe stick a timer on my phone so I know when to go eat something. I’ll let you know how that goes for me tomorrow. Ill go ahead and plug it in tonight and make my grocery list. Goodnight all.

To my Sailor,

I love you to the moon and back. You are an amazing, loving, handsome, sweet, kind, caring and compassionate man. My knight in shining armor. I love you so very much. Goodnight my love.

******************************************************************************************************************************************

Food (still not good):

Chic-Fil-A chicken sandwich, Coke, 2 waters, Apple Cider, 6 turkey sausage links.

(I really need to take my butt to the grocery store!)

Back to the Insanity.

I have started Insanity again and this time determined to finish. I can’t continue to put my health on the line. I don’t want to struggle like my mother has for her entire life. I want to fix this, NOW. Not only could it play a role in my infertility it also improves my mental health which is also very important. I want to feel—alive, in-love with myself and completely happy. This is not a New Year’s resolution. I started today. Day 1 complete. While it was very hard for me to get up and do it and try to keep up-I did it and I feel accomplished. I’m definitely ready to do this for myself. No one else. Just me. I am going to blog about it everyday along with the rest of what has happened for the current day. Also, Im going to write down my foods for the day and my current weight on a weekly basis. ONCE A WEEK! Its so important to write down how your feeling. Sometimes, its more of a release. Speaking of Insanity. The real insanity is my job! I love what I do but dang, some people sure do know how to make life miserable. We are currently moving the office down stairs. Actually, we have been moving since the 21st. Everything is still disorganized. Today was my first day back in the office and I can say I am appalled at how little has been done around there. The only thing I see is crap. The painting is half finished and only half of the floor is completed (carpet is down but the tile has not been laid). The exam rooms are unfinished and my lab looked like some kind of tornado went through it. Thankfully, I was able to put the lab together today and it looks great. Squeaky clean and organized as ever. Tomorrow I am going to try to find some kind of office space and set that up for myself. Maybe my hall desk will at least be setup. We are supposed to see patients on Thursday so I’m a little nervous that we don’t have everything done yet. The other doctor comes back to see patients on Wednesday and that just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Guess we will see how it goes.  Craig told me today that he would get his stuff done for our infertility and come to the next appointment so he can get a better understanding of the process. I am really excited that he is going to come and I don’t have to try to explain it to him. He can ask his own questions and we can make an informed decision together.

Weight today: 179.4

Food/Drink: Sweet tea, Large Coke, Tilapia, Broccoli and Cheese, 2 bottles of water, Turkey sausage Jimmy Dean Delights sandwich. (I should work on this too)

Work: 1145-515

Sleep: 7.5 hours

Joys of life <3

A friend of mine had her twin babies yesterday. I’m so excited for her. Surprised that the Green Monster didn’t come out. She is still not allowing any visitors yet but I guess I understand. They are all one big happy family now and they need some alone time. I do feel like our friendship will be over soon. We are no longer working together, she has two new babies and is preparing to go to Japan to be with Her husband. This is military life. You make friends, they move, you still remember them but realize that they are no longer going to be the one that can fit every puzzle piece anymore because life changes and time moves on. Sometimes I wonder if God perhaps did not create me to believe that way. I seem to always try to maintain friendships just as if they were bedside me even though miles apart and always, I am forgotten and left to be alone. It is true that it makes me feel as if I was never important to their life or perhaps that I never made a difference. I ponder what I could do differently..or am I meant to be a temporary distraction to their life for the time being and when I am no longer needed-life goes on. Oh well, I don’t know what to say about it or what to think at this moment. Maybe when I’m older I will understand or maybe military life will change me. In some small ways I think it has already changed me. We will see what the future holds. Everyday is a new day. God bless, Pamela

20121227-091929.jpg

20121227-091944.jpg